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Writer's pictureMollie West

To The Husbands/Caretakers

It's easy to get wrapped up in the planning before surgery and sometimes the people caring for us are overlooked, but not unappreciated!



I’ve been busy. I haven’t been doing a single thing regarding surgery or BRCA, but I’ve been busy with life. Well, that’s a bit of a lie. I’ve been heavily researching 3D nipple tattooing v. nipple reconstruction, but that’s not what this post is about. I’ll get to that at a later date.


During this time of busyness, an opportunity presented itself to attend a conference in Chicago next July. In my immediate excitement, I recruited my friend, Sarah, as a travel companion. After that I realized that I should probably okay it with Jason. Oops.


I was preparing for my conversation with him and listing my reasons for attending and trying to figure out exactly how to sell it to him. Jason and I are pretty easy going in understanding that we need to do some things separately as we have different interests, but I wanted him to see that not only should I go, but I HAD to go. As I prepared my mental list, I found myself ending it with “and dammit, I just went through major surgery and I’ll need to get away”.


That one thought completely stopped my thought process.

We often take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude. - Cynthia Ozick

I wrote earlier about “rewards” after surgery. Some women buy all new undergarments, others plan a trip (me!), etc. I’ll be honest, I need that vacation in Napa Valley with Jamie right now. I need Kate to visit for a girls’ weekend. I need these things to look forward to. I don’t want to feel like my life just stopped because I had surgery. I’m not sure if it is a reward, but it’s something out of the ordinary, and even a once in a lifetime experience, that I planned specifically to relieve the stress of the surgery.


The reason that I was jolted by that thought, though, was that I realized Jason never asked/planned/indicated anything for himself after I was on the mend. He will be single parenting, taking the brunt of our daily stress and add the stress of a sick wife, and isn’t planning anything for himself.


Obviously our situations are not identical. I’m saying goodbye to a part of my body. Not to mention the pain, etc. I know that I will be forced to accept myself cosmetically as well as deal with any mental repercussions. What about Jason, though? I am his wife, the mother of his two awesome kids. I can’t even imagine the struggles in his mind, having to face and battle this. And still, nothing. No requests or plans to relieve whatever stress he may endure.


My immediate reaction is to feel selfish. Not enough to cancel plans or change anything, though (heck, I already said that I needed it). My second thought is how great he and all of the caretakers are. Giving up so much knowing that just around the corner a better future waits. Even if it doesn’t affect them, they love you enough to get you there.


Now let’s hope that this post doesn't give Jason any ideas and that he doesn’t decide to use this against me for every guy get together/outing for the next five years!

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