Sometimes you just have to go with the flow. Sometimes it's really hard, though.
Sometimes you just have to go with the flow. I'm trying to convince myself that this is one of those times. I know it has to be, but I'm having trouble accepting it.
Last week was going fine. Nothing extraordinary to report. I was at work when my phone rang and my caller id indicated that it was someone from the hospital. I thought it was strange. I've been receiving care from them long enough that I recognized their patterns and this didn't really align. When I answered, it was Barb, the scheduler that I harassed befriended. Bad news, they have to reschedule my surgery. Instead of December 19th, it is now December 26th.
When nothing goes right... go left. - Unknown
It took me a little while to wrap my head around this new information. My first thought was just a firm "NO!" If I am remembering correctly, I actually told her that, too. I think that she was confused. She kept trying to explain the situation, without giving me any real details of course. After I said nonsensical things to her for a few minutes, I had some clarity and asked if there was any kind of waiting list. Like if someone canceled surgery for any reason, could I have that slot? She actually tried to talk me out of it at first, saying things like "most women don't like to do that" or "it takes a lot of flexibility". I asked her to clarify and she said that they would only be able to give me about three days notice if this happened and most women can't accommodate that. Three days? Sign me up! I also had enough sense to ask for the earliest surgery on the 26th. Not only would I like to get it over with, but I didn't want any complications pushing it back. I wasn't able to get the very first one, but I got the second. I'll take it!
My brain really started processing after I hung up the phone. I know, one week. What's the big deal, right? It's not a huge deal, I'll admit, but it is definitely going to be much harder on me and my family. The difference a week makes. My entire family will be out of town (with the exception of my husband and sons) celebrating Christmas with our extended family in Pittsburgh. No one will be around to help, if there are any complications, for any of it. Even our regular sitter, who is more like extended family to us and especially our kids, will be traveling for the holidays. The majority of our support system will be out of town. My entire Christmas day is going to be spent worrying and preparing for surgery the next day, instead of relaxing and recovering and enjoying. I know, I know, I'm whining. In this instance, though, a week makes a huge difference. These are just the first things that come to mind, definitely not a complete list or even thought. Not to mention that if my surgery is pushed back just one more little week, I'll be out of my deductible year, which will be a huge financial strain on our family.
I haven't fully accepted this fate. I sit here and pray and put every last ounce of hope that I have into getting an earlier slot on the wait list. I will for my phone to ring throughout the day. I have to keep the hope, to embrace the chance that I will get a call. That this is going to happen much sooner than December 26th.
In case it doesn't, let the new countdown begin: 45 days!
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